Gladiators on Sky One - First Blood
Monday, May 12th, 2008Gladiators Ready?
Last night we got our first taster of the new, improved Gladiators, on Sky One. So how was it?
Difficult to say at this stage; at Digital TV towers we were looking forwards to this with an unnerving degree of anticipation, to the point that we were beginning to invent Gladiator names for each other (Inhaler, the Slanket and Ampersand).
So we’re quite sad to report that the inaugural showing was something of a misfire. The new theme tune is forgettable to say the least - no squealing guitars, no 80’s drum fills, no horn section - sounding as it does like one of the tracks left on the cutting room floor from Nine Inch Nails’ ambient glum-hop Ghosts I-IV album.
Worryingly the audience was noticeably smaller, there was no sea of big foam hands, and where was ‘Another One Bites the Dust?’ Britney Spears’ ‘Hit Me Baby One More Time’ isn’t a worthy replacement.
New Gladiators include Oblivion, a lairy ‘did you spill my pint?’ type with a neckline like a flying buttress who fancies himself as the new Wolf, mouthing off to contestants and generally being an arse. Thing is, Wolf was a badass by virtue of the fact that he was a man of few words and he had a mullet. Enigma also has a pretty stupid nom de guerre - the only real enigma being why the producers decided to roll with such as crap name.
The show was saved (only just) by the knowingly camp Spartan, the ancient Greek-type warrior ponce who loved it up for the cameras with some frankly baffling poses, and some awesome pratfalls courtesy of the contenders falling arse over tit into the giant swingballs on the Hit & Run event.
The pugil-tastic Duel matches lasted a mere handful of seconds each, with the Gladiators sending the mere mortal contenders into the drink below. Oh yeah, we forgot to mention: instead of the huge inflatable red mats, all the events involving a big fall now take place over huge swimming pools, and so a more satisfying splash follows those unlucky combatants who take a tumble.
Hopefully the series will pick up - we want to see more of Inferno, Spartan, and Anderson please. And bring back the old theme! The new one sucks!
