Noel’s Gone to Ickeland
Friday, September 19th, 2008
The orb-shaped brain wrong of a one-off man mental
TV presenter Noel Edmonds was one of the BBC’s star presenters for 30 years, fronting hugely popular light entertainment television, before dipping into obscurity and then reappearing like a hairy Phoenix from the flames with Channel 4’s popular guesswork-based quiz Deal or No Deal. However, as yesterday’s BBC Breakfast News broadcast displayed, somewhere along the way, it seems as though everything went a bit David Icke.
As well as publicly stating that he was going to break the law and not pay his licence fee on live TV - on the BBC of all places, smart move mate - former resident of Crinkley Bottom also claimed that the spirits of his deceased parents were following him around in the form of two melon-sized floating orbs.
“Orbs are little bundles of positive energy and they think they can move between 500 and 1,000 miles per hour. They look like little round planets but they come in all shapes and sizes.” Conventional photography “can’t pick them up, but digital cameras can,” as our picture above proves.
The picture below shows BBC Breakfast presenters Bill Turnbull and Susannah Reid in full on bemusement mode:
“The two that I have are about the size of melons,” said the Lizard King. “One sits on my arm and the other is usually in the back of the shot, sitting just over my right shoulder.”
“I am not going to have the BBC or any other organisation threatening me. I’ve cancelled my TV licence and they haven’t found me. Nobody’s coming knocking on my door. There are too many organisations that seem to think it is OK to badger, hector and threaten people.”
Perhaps the Beeb are worried that Noel would give them the Clive Anderson treatment.
Update: a Press Association report revelas that Edmonds owns a current licence, with a TV Licensing spokesman saying: “[We have] checked [our] records and can confirm we have a valid current licence on record for his address.”
The presenter’s spokesman Mark Borkowski said: “They have completely not issued Noel Edmonds with a TV licence. He has not got one.”
This contradicts Edmonds’ earlier statement of “I’ve cancelled my TV licence and they haven’t found me,” on both orbs. Sorry, both fronts.
September 19th, 2008 at 8:46 am
He is an orb.
September 19th, 2008 at 8:51 am
“The two that I have are about the size of melons,” said the Lizard King. “One sits on my arm and the other is usually in the back of the shot, sitting just over my right shoulder.”
Actually Noel they are reflections from the headlights of a TV licence detector van.
September 19th, 2008 at 9:01 am
What a hypocrite. The licence fee is what made him his millions and now he’s refusing to cough up? I’ll admit that the BBC ad is more than just a bit 1984, but the hypocrisy of Noel Edmonds is far more offensive.
Talk about biting the hand that feeds.
September 19th, 2008 at 9:12 am
Bring back Blobby!
September 19th, 2008 at 9:50 am
What is it about old DJ’s going mental? What’s next DLT declaring himself as a sovereign nation? Bruno Brookes stating that he’s immortal?
Where will it end? Won’t someone think of the children? etc etc
September 19th, 2008 at 9:52 am
To be honest if I see another bloody dancing, singing idiotvision programme I’d be tempted to join Comrade Noel.